Neanderthal Messiah — 130

UW Madison Social Sciences Building | Mandarin Jive Course 1991

‘This new system allows your reading of it, in English.

Using dictionary & everyday pronunciation marks.

This system will replace the Communist Party Method

[An older Chinese Student mutters GOOM-CHAHN-DAHNG.]

Of French diplomatic tricks, angled accents - Q and X used incredibly

Indicating pronunciation confusion in their PINYIN system.’

[Jive was a pass/fail course — with verbal proficiency focus

Allowing for scholastic experimentation.]

[Professor GOW-SOO:] ‘HOO√’

[The Older Chinese Student, emboldened:] ‘Means tiger,

Like Blake’s stars throw down their spears.’

[Professor GOW-SOO, a Tiananmen fugitive now threatened, continues:]

And your ṰH and TH sounds as in vibrating these versus flat tire threats -

Like l and r lick those of us not growing up with a Tupelo honey tongue.

PINYIN confuses by asking you to state new insignia to read, memorize.

Jive, instead uses what you already know instinctively.

CHEE? HOO√ NAHN? SHYAH!

Our 4 tones sung: ♪ ? √ !

The reason Chinese music is so hard on American ears is

We already sing each word everyday

To distinguish meaning in spoken language.

So our song must obey the words’ tone primacy.

In fact, we cannot sing freely, or lose the word’s meaning, the…’

[Older Chinese Student:] ‘Belonging. [Motions to the cup.]

NEE+DUH LEW! CHYAH?

[Professor GOW-SOO, trying to finish the class, poisoned:]

OO like boot

ӨӨ like book

EW like drinking something awful

[An oblivious American student:] ‘Yeah, like Dr. McGillicuddy’s.’

[Professor GOW-SOO mid-induced-stroke:]

OH

AH

‘But…Buddhists don’t pray.’

[Clutching his head. Professor GOW-SOO does not bow, bends and collapses.]

Tibetan, on his mother’s side, a transfer student Bruce Bhutan understands what just happened.